Seattle – Crypticon Review

Hello Destroy The Brain visitors!  I’m proud to introduce DTB’s first literal contributor to the site.  Matt will be giving you Album Reviews by horror-esque and horror related bands!  For now, enjoy his review on Seattle’s 1st Crypticon.

Seattle hosted its inaugural horror convention here over Memorial Day weekend. And if you found out about it like I did, you found out about this shindig about three weeks before it happened. It seemed to have kind of a rushed feel. This was made plain when I arrived nearly an hour late on Friday and there were hardly more than six people in line to register. So as a consequence I did not know about it long enough in advance to secure press credentials. Truth be known, I was prepared to pay out of my own pocket since it was rare that something like this would happen in my town. So since I was willing to pay anyway I figured I may as well go in style and spring for the VIP package on the strength of Barbara Crampton and the Crazy Babysitter Twins (you’ll find I’m a total fanboy geek for all things Grindhouse). But the week-of all three of them dropped off the bill, as con guests are wont to do. It’s just a fact of life you learn to get used to. It was just my bad fortune that it happened literally days before and they were the whole reason I purchased the VIP ticket. But I digress.

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Day 1

Immediately off, you didn’t have to be an old-hand at conventions to notice that a lot of the guests hadn’t even arrived yet. Bill Moseley, Sid Haig, Kane Hodder, Lou Perryman, Tony Todd, Ashley Laurence, and Rowdy Roddy Piper that I noticed. At least the majority of them still hadn’t arrived by 7:30 which is about the time I went into the main screening room. If they showed up shortly thereafter that’s still not much of a consolation considering that the dealer hall closed up at 8:30 or 9. Jason Mewes was there! As far as I’m concerned if Jason Mewes is on time then you don’t have much of an excuse.

Now I’m not a particularly star struck person and knew I wasn’t going to spend money (or time) on autographs. I’d much rather free up all that money for the vendors. The lines are shorter and not to mention it’s cheaper. Well I think my resolve lasted only about forty minutes upon arriving. I did the full circuit and wound up at Leslie Easterbrook’s (The Devil’s Rejects, Rob Zombie’s Halloween,Police Academy, Laverne & Shirley ) table perceiving that she seemed rather personable. My perception was right on the money. We had a pretty lengthy conversation about everything from the nature of Heaven and Hell, Matthew ‘Tiny’ McGrory (gone but not forgotten), and whether or not films like The Devil’s Rejects make their viewers unwittingly complicit in the crimes of their antiheroes. And so after talking to her for the better part of an hour I felt obliged to at least buy something, and thus my fate was sealed. From there it was a steady decline into financial ruin. I marveled at how quickly I reversed myself even as I watched myself fork over hundreds of dollars for autograph after autograph, even though I admittedly don’t collect the damn things and I still maintain they’re of little importance to me.

At about 6:30 or so I headed up to the hotel restaurant for the VIP reception where there was free food and the VIP attendees and guests could mingle freely (but most of all, free food). It was primarily just finger foods much to my dismay, and most of it was gone by the time I arrived. But that’s really nobody’s fault but my own because I wasn’t led to believe there’d be a buffet, my mind just assumed that would be the situation. But unofficially there totally should have been buffet.

At around 8 pm, I headed down for the independent film showcase and here’s where I ran into the first immediate scheduling flaw. There were actually three screening rooms. They only kind of mention that in the program. And later I would notice that a bulletin board outside the main screening room would only occasionally tell you what was going on inside. Which is why on this night I sat through two of the most miserable failures in filmmaking I’d ever had the misfortune of seeing while somewhere else in the hotel The Demonology of Desire and The Eyes of Edward James , the two films I was most looking forward to seeing were playing without my knowledge. I just kept waiting, and waiting, and waiting thinking that my suffering would all be worth it once Rodrigo Gudino’s films appeared onscreen. Needless to say they did not materialize and I only gained eight fleeting moments of reprieve when Tofu the Vegan Zombie briefly flickered across the screen. But it was short lived because immediately afterward they fired up Werewolf in Woman’s Prison which was billed as the “Best Comic Horror” (maybe after you’d seen the preceding two films). Despite all the T&A and tongue-in-cheekiness it was a one-note schlock film, the equivalent of the guy who can only impersonate Arnold Schwarzenegger reciting the “It’s not a tumor!” line from Kindergarten Cop: Funny the first couple of times you hear it and then increasingly more irritating after that.

Highlights: Meeting Mother Firefly # 2 (but no. 1 in our hearts). Seeing Tofu the Vegan Zombie and to a slightly lesser extent the Teddy Scares Movie.

Lowlights: Poorly marked or unmarked screenings coupled with a somewhat confusing schedule and no map of the facilities in the program. The weak – not to mention weakly attended (a theme that would be repeated all weekend long) – VIP dinner with the conspicuous absence of a good portion of the guests. Digging into my Crypticon goodie bag and finding two tickets to Charles Band’s Full Moon Roadshow…..in %#@! St. Louis!

Day 2

Saturday started off brighter and earlier than my ass is usually accustomed to getting up on a weekend. I arrived at the hotel at a quarter after eleven and was pleased to see a few more people in attendance. Indeed, the dealer room seemed to be teeming with slightly more life than it had been the night before. But it still didn’t seem to quite fit the picture that I had in my head of how these things look.

Armed with the knowledge of the idiosyncrasies in the program from the day before and having had my convention cherry popped I embarked on a spending freefall that surprised even me. I ran the gauntlet of the vendor room floor but I paced myself so I’d have something left to do on Sunday, which was about the only bit of discipline I exercised all weekend.

This day I actually had scheduled from end-to-end and somehow – with a bit of creativity on my part and a whole lotta luck in general – I managed to pull it all off. The luck I’m referring to was in effect nothing more than an oversight which pushed back the concert to allow a Q&A in the adjacent room to wrap up because the two threatened to overlap. This scheduling foible allowed me to finish out the Halloween Q&A (which was actually pretty entertaining for a movie that itself seemed kind of half-baked) and get back downstairs in time to catch the first band of the evening.

The concert was the event I had been looking forward to all weekend and actually was what tipped me off about the convention in the first place (it was independently promoted by one of the bands performing). I hadn’t seen The Deep Eynde since ’99 or so, so I was psyched to see them again. Openers Church For Sinners and God Module took the stage and bombarded the audience with their deathrock-infused horrorpunk and danceable brand of techno-goth (respectively). But by the time headliners The Deep Eynde took the stage I had yet to see more than a handful of people in costume for this supposed costume contest. By the time Fate Fatal and company had wrapped up their set I discovered that the “contest” was really nothing more than a sign-up sheet and that judging would take place the next day. Since spotty advertising of the convention seemed to be epidemic, this too had a poor turnout. I guess the winner was announced the next day by Ari Lehman (the young, mutant Jason Voorhees who leaps out of the lake in the original Friday the 13^th) but I’d be damned if I could tell you where or when it took place.

I met Bill Moseley today. Apart from Sid Haig, Bill was the only guest I actually had to wait in line for. Totally down to earth guy. And one of the few people who seems to really get “up in the guts” of the genre, not someone for whom it’s just a gig. And just one look at his merch table proves that he really owns and relishes his status as one of the genre heavies. He was hocking everything from doll head key chains to official Chop Top steel plates for your very own dome.

Even though I haven’t traditionally been a fan of the Friday the 13^th franchise I sat in on a little of the Kane Hodder Q&A. It was actually pretty interesting and gave a little bit of insight into the man and the myth. But probably not enough to convert me.

I even had time to take in both Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and Hellraiser and their panel discussions. I’d never really been an ardent fan of TCM2 but seeing it here in this environment somehow made all the tumblers fall into place. The Q&A afterward only bolstered my appreciation for the film that much more.

The same was true for Hellraiser, which albeit I was a fan of going in. I was curious just how informative the discussion afterward would be seeing as Ashley Laurence (Kirsty Cotton) was the only one from the movie who was there that weekend, but she carried it on her own.

Speaking of Ashley, it was my extreme pleasure to speak to her. I was surprised that I was even able to find the words. And even more surprising is that I didn’t come off as a total jackass, I don’t mind saying. She did not disappoint either, being every bit as friendly and down to earth as one could hope for. Little did I know that apart from being a stone cold fox she’s also an accomplished artist. And not in that “Aw, look at the actor trying to be an artist. How precious.” kinda way either (*cough*Marilyn Manson*cough*), but actually really good. And you’d be shocked at the disturbing visuals that emanate from her imagination.

After TCM2 and the follow-up Q&A I rushed upstairs to sit in on the last of Hot Rod’s discussion panel. I had talked to him briefly the night before and was curious see how this would turn out. Wrestlers always have the greatest stories, but I’m sure any reader of this site already knows that. The Q&A was alternately hilarious and poignant. But it comes as little surprise as I’ve heard it said that he’s often the majority pick for favorite guest at conventions he appears at.

Highlights: The concert was probably the high point of the day. Scott Kragelund, Paul Cranefield, and Erik Van Sant’s The Book of Zombie trailer and meeting star and Q13 traffic guy extraordinaire, Adam Gehrke. Chatting up one of my boyhood crushes, Ashley Laurence, and confirming that that crush is still to this day very much alive. Seeing flicks like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre II in the environment in which it was meant to be seen, complete with a cheering, laughing, and applauding crowd. It’s difficult to quantify what a difference that makes. Having Mother Firefly pass by while I was talking with Ben from Church For Sinners, smile, and refer to us jokingly as a “rough looking crowd”. A bunch of wedding party guests sneaking over to the convention to see what was going on and having a bunch of costumed conventioneers return the favor by crashing the wedding reception. Rowdy Roddy Piper’s Q&A. Watching the young Michael Myers from Rob Zombie’s Halloween rockin’ out on Guitar Hero.

Lowlights: The concert, like the rest of the con, reflected the poor advertising issue in being the most sparsely attended concert I have ever been to. Which is really saying something for both a Saturday night and the fact that it was part of a much bigger event. The costume contest was kind of a non-event. Also, whosever lame-brained idea it was to play Church For Sinners’ EP during set changes, taking into account that not only were we about to be hearing it performed live but also that it’s their only available material out right now. Seriously, who does this?

Day 3

I actually forced myself to get out of bed earlier than the day before, even though I’d gotten less sleep than Friday night. I arrived bleary-eyed and bedraggled promptly at 10:30 where I discovered indisputably that the VIP pass I was carrying was pretty much only good for getting you in early to register on Friday and that after that it was really only for show. I felt like kind of a sucker standing in line with my laminate around my neck, designating me as a guy who’d paid $100 more than the average convention-goer, waiting to get in with said-same convention-goers.

There was not much I wanted to see on this the final and abbreviated day, but that was admittedly more my own deal than it was a dearth of activities to take part in. For the most part my whole day was focused on Sid Haig’s town hall meeting and I made a pretty healthy buffer zone around it to make sure nothing interfered with me getting there on time. Creepycult really came through, printing out scores of rally posters the night before to have on hand for the address. And it was definitely a thought provoking affair. It was just as advertised, a traditional – if decidedly un-PC – key note speech. I’m not going to get into the intricacies of it, if you want to know the lowdown you can research it yourself at his site.

Afterward they screened The Devil’s Rejects and had a Q&A with stars Haig and Bill Moseley which I thought was maybe a bit of a scheduling snafu on the organizers’ part. It seemed like the day was peculiarly Sid Haig & Bill Moseley-centric. In fact now that I look back on it the whole weekend was. Whereas the other guests got one Q&A session – two at most – Sid and Bill essentially had three.

I spoke at length with Tony Todd and as had happened all weekend up to this point the topic of conversation drifted to non-genre subjects. This time I actually carried on a dialogue about whether or not Bush, Cheney and their cronies should face repercussions – and the nature of those repercussions – after the term comes to an end. And I actually had to pause to reflect, am I actually having this conversation with Candyman? Honestly, you can’t put a pricetag on these moments!

Highlights: Without question that would have to be Sid Haig’s town hall meeting, hands down. I’m not sure any experience I have for the rest of the year will compare to hearing Capt. Spaulding give a dissertation on the (sorry) state of the union. After that it would have to be jaw-jacking with Tony “Candyman” Todd over, yet again, our current administration and its vice-like deathgrip on our economy.

Lowlights: Noticing the lack of variety in guest Q&A panels.

Now as Joe Bob Briggs would say, let’s get to those drive-in totals…

The Good: Being the first time Crypticon – or a horror convention of any kind for that matter – was in town and the somewhat lax advertising it was really a fan’s convention. Meaning there was a lot more opportunity for guest interaction than is typical for these sorts of cons. Great for the attendees. Maybe not so much for the stars themselves.

There were a ton of different activities going on. All the different types of medias were well represented: Film, music, literature, art, etc.

I really liked the venue. It was kind of small, yes, and if Crypticon takes off the event will quickly outgrow it. But it’s easily accessible, all of the activities are located close enough together that there’s no time lost dashing to another room or floor, and the parking situation was ample and the organizers got a real sweet discount (you had to pay to park on site).

The Bad: Getting word out was the organizers’ first and arguably biggest critical failure. A lot of friends of mine found out about it after the fact. Hell, I’m a huge horror buff and I only found out this was going on a couple of weeks before it took place. And not even from an ad they put out, from a Myspace bulletin posted by the band that was headlining the concert!

There was no real schedule of events posted on the site. Some kind of grid form pdf that you could download and print out would have helped immeasurably and been so simple to do.

The links to vendors, bands, and guests should have been hotlinked from the website. I know for my part that I like to research the vendors and find out what they’re all about, i.e. what they specialize in and also to have a rough idea of their prices.

On the topic of dealers, there were no DVD distributors present among the vendors which is virtually unheard of among conventions. In fact, there just generally needed to be a wider diversity of dealers there. Period.

The guests were slow to filter in. I asked a buddy of mine who’s been to a lot of these things and was informed that this is highly unusual. Now, I’ll grant that the guests may have shown up later as I was sequestered in the screening room from eight o’clock on, but as far as I’m concerned if they showed up after that – and when you take into consideration that the dealer room closed up at 8:30 or 9 – then they effectively weren’t there that day. And if one or more of the guests were running late or weren’t going to be there at all the first day it would have been nice to know that.

Apart from getting to register early and the meet-and-greet on Friday there seemed to be no real discernable benefit to holding a VIP pass. Supposedly we got preferred seating to all the screenings and panels but one questions the logistics of this when everyone is let in at exactly the same time. I almost considered testing out my preferred status by pointing someone out and asking one of the organizers to have them vacate their seat for me. But I guess I’m not that big an asshole. Big enough an asshole to think it, just not big enough of one to execute it.

The Big Picture: For the first time it was a laudable effort. Certainly there were things that could have been done better. Maybe a lot of them. But I’d venture a guess that there’s a lot that can go wrong in putting on a con. And taking that into consideration Crypticon Seattle probably fared a lot better than most. This was a real proving ground and I think the event’s organizers really pulled it off, all things considered.

I recognized the need for a more diverse roster of guests seeing as there were a lot of repeat panelists for the Q&A sessions. But since this was the first year for the convention and what they did manage to pull together was perhaps beyond anyone’s expectations I can give this a pass.

While I dug the intimate nature of the convention, I realize this owed more to it being its first time in Seattle and that when/if it ever comes around again it will likely be quite the opposite. However the poor attendance highlighted the VIP issue. Granted I’m no professional, but in my humble opinion I wouldn’t have offered VIP privileges in the first year. Build your cred first, string it out a few years, get the word out and see if things pick up steam. Then offer up the VIP treatment.

My Verdict: Convention VIP pass – $150. The average autograph – $20. Jason Mewes’ autograph – $25. The privilege of getting your picture taken with Rowdy Roddy Piper – $25. Memories of a weekend that will last a lifetime – $610….uh, I meant priceless.

I’ve heard a lot of criticism of Crypticon, from “It sucked!” right up to “They could’ve had a better guest lineup” or “The guests were too obvious”. Well that isn’t much of an objective review and I’m afraid that just isn’t enough to satisfy me. First of all, for a convention in its infancy getting the “usual suspects” is the surest way to pull people in to your event. And if you skipped out on the con based on the “strength” of one of these so-called reviews then you missed a prime opportunity to get in on the ground floor of something new and in doing so have your voice heard and affect change in the future. I would suggest that anyone who had one of these gripes had either A) Never been to a convention before or B) Never been to a convention in its first year before. Because I’ve got to imagine that they all start out this modestly.

All told, despite its various drawbacks which I’ve been diligent in emphasizing while providing perspective, I had a blast and was left with an immense feeling of pride at attending the birth of something new.