TV REVIEW: ‘FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, SEASON 1 EPISODE 7: PANDEMONIUM’

“I don’t want to hear anything about ‘I don’t believe in vampires’ because I don’t believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what I saw is fucking vampires!”

We start this episode with a minor flashback of Santanico preparing for her epic dance at the Titty Twister. Maybe it’s just me, but when vampires bathe in tubs of blood, I tend to yawn. It’s not shocking anymore and I was a little disappointed to see it here. So far, the vampires in the show have been cool and confusing, and this was just cliche. We’ll move on now…

The dance scene is awesome. Santanico breaks out the vampire magic, disappearing and reappearing all over the bar. Richie tells Seth, “That’s the girl that led me here.” She walks out onto the Gecko’s table and pours the liquor down her leg and foot into Richie’s mouth. She also takes a long drink and gives Richie mouth to mouth, flooding him with the liquor. It dribbles and it looks red… is it blood? A trick of the light? Who knows and who cares, really, because this dance scene was far sexier than the one in the movie.

But then Gonzalez fucks it all up. He gets behind Richie and puts the knife through Richie’s wounded hand. Guns come out and we have a very brief Mexican standoff, this time IN MEXICO! Sensing Richie’s impending death, Santanico goes all vampire and, once again taking a far departure from the film (at least it makes sense), she attacks Gonzalez. She doesn’t bite him, but that’s only because a biker attacks her. Then four more do the same and she kills them all. The doors get locked, the windows get barred and all the sexy strippers vamp out. So does the band.

Sex Machine uses his cock gun by thrusting his pelvis forward. It’s ineffectual (so much irony there) on the vampires and the Fullers head for the exit. They get cornered behind an overturned table and Jacob shoves his cross at one of the vampires. Interesting to note because the vampire EATS the cross. Not sure how this bodes for Jacob becoming a mean motherfucking servant of God later, since they don’t seem to have any fear of the Lord. Kate falls to praying and it’s Scott who picks up the shotgun and blows the vampire’s head apart.

The fight scene in the bar is pretty much like it is in the movie. Over the top and gory as hell, which was awesome. I’m glad they kept the over-the-top dismemberment and fountaining blood. It’s charming when things like that happen.

A few things to note, though, is that the Nine Lords watch all this and are entertained by it. So they were expecting it to happen and eventually Carlos arrives and says their “feast” is ready. Seth realizes they’re fighting vampires and in the melee he’s able to stake out Chet Pussy. Santanico runs across Gonzalez again. She tells him his fight is over, then bites him. But she doesn’t rip any body parts off, just drops him down some trap door in the floor. Other vampires are throwing other bodies in other trap doors. All the vampires retreat and the bar quiets.

Santanico, conveniently human, approaches Richie and Seth puts several bullets in her. She vamps out, but the scene cuts to Richie knocking Seth aside, screaming at him for shooting her. Seth puts his gun in Richie’s face and asks, “Why is she waiting for you?” Jacob interrupts them with the logical advice of figuring out how to get the fuck out of Dodge. This whole time, though, I’m wondering where the vampire went…

Of course they’re trapped inside and can’t get out. The downtime gives them time to start spitballing what the fuck scenarios. Scott goes all historian talking about Aztecs and Mayans based on the art. Sex Machine goes all Professor Tanner (okay, he’s just not Sex Machine, so he’s gonna be Tanner from here on out) and confirms what Scott is saying. Tanner gives all kinds of Spanish names for the creatures, but they all boil down to “serpent.” We get a pretty cool biology lesson on the body of a vampire. Tanner explains that the bar on top of the temple is like a “people juicer” and there’s blood lines on the floor that empty into a bigger hole. The blood runs down and we see the Nine Lords filling goblets with this blood before sitting down to their feast, which consists of severed human parts, some that looks cooked, too. It’s not very vampire-like.

And it turns out Santanico retreated to her little bathtub chamber. She proceeds to pull Seth’s bullets out of her body, which confuses me. She seems to be in a lot of pain here, but other vamps were taking loads from Tanner’s cock gun, the Gecko’s guns, and others. Plus, Carlos walks around in the sun. She summons Carlos to her and when he arrives, she’s still pissed off. He was supposed to handle the Ranger. She throws him around a bit and he assures her everything will be fine. She disagrees as she tries to reach Richie via mind link, but she can’t, since that trust has been broken. Carlos says he won’t reject her and she’s worrying for nothing.

At the dinner table, the Nine Lords are scarfing down their food with gusto. Carlos enters and Narciso starts giving Carlos shit, calling him a bitch, and starts to make him lick Narciso’s boots. Interesting things to note here… 1) These aren’t the Nine Lords, they’re just servants, 2) these servants are pissed at Carlos for hiring the Geckos, and 3) Carlos, whom we’ve thought was a top dog is really just a peon in the grand scheme of vampire life.

Back in the Titty Twister, the survivors are preparing to fight by gathering weapons, etc. The Geckos are at the bar, emptying gunpowder from shotgun shells into a jar. Two guesses what they’re making out of a glass jar and gunpowder. Oh, and they’re arguing again. About the same things: the jobs, their history, who’s really in charge, and Richie calls Seth out for giving 4 million away to his ex-wife. Seth tells Richie to jam it in his ass as he paid her to walk way, therefore giving up his only chance at a normal life and he did this for Richie. How selfless, right? He further lays into Richie about Santanico, “that piece of ass on stage” and says when they get out of this situation, they’re done.

Tanner and Jacob are sharpening stakes and Tanner retells the story about the brothers descending into the underworld and defeating the dark lords.

Scott and Kate talk briefly about Jacob; Kate defends him and Scott pretty much calls him a pussy.

Meanwhile, Carlos is kneeling at Narciso’s feet. He reaches into his coat and fondles a dagger (will he or won’t he?), but then he pulls out a rag and shines Narciso’s shoes. Santanico shows up, saving Carlos the embarrassment of actually licking Narciso’s shoe. Narciso asks Santanico what she’s doing with the Geckos, why she’d risk exposing them all and pissing off the Nine Lords. Her response is a big “fuck you” to the Nine Lords… she says they’re weak and she’s no longer going to be a slave to them. She tells Narciso and the others they can either join her and live free or die as slaves to the Nine. Narciso refuses her offer, but by then the poison is kicking in (remember the snake Carlos milked in the last episode?) and Carlos and Santanico proceed to kill them all except Narciso. No, something special is in store for him as Carlos chains him to an altar in another room.

Our survivors fight the next wave of vampires. It’s gory and fun. Kate is a badass with a chainsaw. They blow up their bomb, which sends stakes flying everywhere. A vampire knocks Scott through a wall and he disappears, presumably down into the lower levels. After the fight, Santanico shows up to entice Richie, telling him she needs him. Seth tells Richie not to listen, she’s just another monster. Richie is undecided…

And Gonzalez is dreaming of his family. It’s very sweet, but he wakes up just as he’s about to fall into the giant gears that “juice” all the bodies. He freaks (FINALLY) and starts climbing out. While he does, it looks like venom or pus (something, anyway) leaks out of the fang holes in his neck. Was it the power of his dream? Or is he also some mystical creature no one knows about? Maybe he’ll turn later, ala Sex Machine in the movie. Gonzalez gets out of the hole and interrupts the Santanico/Richie love fest by putting a bullet into Richie’s back. I thought that seemed a bit cowardly, but maybe after being beaten, bitten, and almost juiced, Gonzalez has just had enough?

Santanico knocks Seth over and grabs Richie, dragging him away.

And the episode ends with Seth screaming his brother’s name.

I am, admittedly, confused with the vampires. So they have snake-like properties (forked tongues, venom) but the sun problem with Carlos still puts them in the vampire category. Also, the tongues coming out the way they do is more lizard than snake. Why did Seth’s bullets really hurt Santanico so much she fled, but other (presumably less powerful) vampires are taking full clips like prize fighters take punches? On one hand, these things are interesting questions, but on the other, it really leaves room for the writers to fuck it all up and have a mish mash of creature rules that only apply when it looks cool, it needs to happen to illustrate a plot point, or they need to save/kill someone. I hope they get it right in the end.

Also, to note that while I’m making heavy comparisons to the film (cuz, well, the film is great in my opinion) I realize they’re different beasts. It’s very similar to someone translating a book series to television (think The Walking Dead, True Blood, Game of Thrones). There’s going to be differences, some you like and some you don’t, but you have to judge it on its own merits, not just on those comparisons to the source material, no matter how much you love it.

So far, From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series has been good.