TV REVIEW: ‘FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, SEASON 1 EPISODE 6: PLACE OF DEAD ROADS”

Our flashbacks continue this week with mountain man Richie and his woodland shack. He’s scrounging through old canned goods looking for food and finds a bullet that goes to a rifle. He loads it, tries to kill a deer, and misses the shot. He breaks the gun against a tree, fall over and sees a snake. He pulls out that knife… later that night, as he’s eating that snake, Santanico appears. He’s a little freaked out, so I assume this is the first time she’s appeared and Santanico tells Richie, “Hunt me down.” The vision is interrupted by one of Seth’s friends carrying a message. Hey, at least Richie’s beard is long and scraggly and cool.

Bam! We’re back in the present with the new Chet Pussy. Considering this is television, the spiel isn’t half bad. He’s barking, people the food in, using as many euphemisms for pussy he can, just like in the movie. Kate from apple pie pussy to cherry, which is fitting for this less sexualized Kate. Chet Pussy makes a lewd gesture toward the young Ms. Fuller and Seth decks him for it. Kate looks a bit smug and appreciative of the gesture.

The Titty Twister looks good. If you’ve seen the movie version, this one is pretty damn close and that’s awesome. I say pretty close, because I don’t remember there being a giant eye symbol on the wall (though maybe it is), but it’s here and Seth sees and recognizes it as the same one from Richie’s knife. Richie calls the Titty Twister “paradise” and minus the vamps, most straight males would agree. At this point, though, I’m like bring on the ladies.

Seth hits the bar and asks Razor Charlie (remember Trejo from the movie? Yeah, the bartender) for Carlos. Carlos is MIA, and Seth asks when he’ll be back. Answer: Whenever he wants, he owns the place. What? Carlos owns the Titty Twister? Another big movie departure. Since Carlos isn’t available, Seth orders his bottle and goes to find his ramblers.

Cut to the desert and Gonzalez walking and walking. He comes across a bevy of heads on pig poles, which is fine, until one starts talking to him. The head tells Gonzalez he’s lost, hopelessly lost. Gonzalez believes he’s gone nuts, but hey, the head tells him how to find Carlos… in town, at the place of sweet, sweet temptation. So being nuts has its advantages, which Gonzalez recognizes as he steals a dead man’s hat and moves along.

We next find Carlos with some lackeys. He’s talking real low, bossing people (vampires?) around, as if that’s what makes him a badass instead of being able to shape shift and sprout six inch fangs at will. He’s such a badass that he ignored a call from Seth. He opens an ornately decorated box and pulls out a black snake (probably a mamba) and milks that bad boy into a wine goblet or some such thing. He mentions a war that’s coming tonight.

Seth expresses his concerns about the Titty Twister and Carlos to Richie, who promptly tells him to stop whining. The dynamic between these two is so radically different from the movie and even just the beginning of the series that I’m starting to think Richie is going to try and kill Seth. I’d hate to see that (until he’s a vampire, of course) as that dynamic between the brothers is a big part of what made the movie so good.

In the scene where the hard drinkers drink hard, Jacob resists a hell of a lot more. Seth and Jacob argue quite hard. They go at each other in a ruthless fashion that once again pisses all over the grudging, but mutual, respect they should have for each other. Seth pulls Kate into it, makes her confess in front of her dad. It’s real “fucking bastard” kind of stuff. Eventually Seth excuses himself to go see a man about a horse.

I’ve mentioned how well Don Johnson has done with Earl and the flashbacks with him in it are a treat. In this one, we hear about “bad” Rangers, those who killed Mexicans because they could, but Earl leaves Gonzalez with one nugget of information: “Even the worst type of brutality has its place, the place of dead roads. The last stop before hell.” Back in the present, Gonzalez is in the town bakery (you thought temptation meant strippers and liquor, didn’t you… so did I) and two of Carlos’ men come in. They disappear through a covered door and Gonzalez follows, watching them punch a code into a security system.

In the Titty Twister, Richie is throwing knives. Seth wants to move the money and he tells Richie to go watch the Fullers. Richie laughs at Seth and tells him he’s giving away his hand too early, so Seth switches the subject by asking Richie what he meant by someone was calling him here. Richie remains a dick and tells him to forget about it. Seth leaves Richie with his knives and goes out to the R.V. alone. He pulls the bearer bonds out and, for all intents and purposes, shoves them into the back seat of some random car. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK? The whole reason you’re coming down to Mexico and you shove it into some stranger’s car? Doesn’t ring true, but I’m going to trust the writers here.

On the way back into the bar, Chet Pussy confronts Seth. Mr. Pussy has several of his thug buddies surround Seth and, with a little help from his gun, Seth puts up a good fight, but ends up face first in the dirt.

Meanwhile, with Seth gone so long, the Fullers try to figure a way to leave, but Jacob refuses. He doesn’t want to put the kids in a worse situation, and Scott challenges Jacob. Jacob holds firms, citing the power of family and sticking together. Kate has enough and stalks off to find Richie.

Underneath the bakery (at least, I think It’s underneath, looks like catacombs), Gonzalez runs into a little kid. Gonzalez asks the kid if he can help him and the kid sets the Ranger up so the thugs can capture him, which they do. They take Gonzalez, stick a bag over his head, and he wakes up to someone punching him in the mouth. The room has bloody walls… surprise, it’s a TORTURE CHAMBER! Carlos is there and he has Richie’s knife. Carlos calls the obsidian blade a dark mirror and he cuts Gonzalez’s palm and they both grip the knife. Carlos enters into Gonzalez’s memory and sees those things most important. Carlos, being the typical bad guy, talks some shit about Gonzalez’s wife and kid, which causes the Ranger to struggle just so Carlos can hit him again.

Seth is chained between two bikes threatening to pull him apart. Chet Pussy gives Seth the choice between being torn to pieces or cut from dick to chin. We all know Seth isn’t going to die, so the question is, of course, who’s going to save him? Turns out it’s one of the Nine Lords.

Kate runs into the Professor (you remember, Jake Busey’s character) and he lays down some shit she’s not picking up. As it turns out Busey is actually Sex Machine… and I’m a little floored by this. Okay, more than a little. Again, I’m showing trust here. He pulls out his cock gun and Kate, showing a little sultry (FINALLY) tells him it’s probably shooting blanks. Maybe she’ll impress me yet. She finally finds Richie getting a lap dance from one of the strippers.

In exchange for saving Seth’s life, the Lord wants to know why Seth is paying a piece of shit like Carlos for El Rey since El Rey is a myth. The Lord clarifies by saying “it’s not for you.” Take that as you will, but it leaves a lot of questions in my mind.

Back with Gonzalez, we find out the seeing went both ways. As Carlos is leaving, Gonzalez talks about the nine houses showing up tonight and says one of the nine is going to wreck Carlos’ shit. Carlos asks for the name and Gonzalez tells him Narciso. Wait, what? Weren’t these children of the night just caught eating people out of a panel truck just a couple weeks ago? All is not well in vamp land, obviously. Carlos takes a call from the Titty Twister and we find out Narciso is the one talking to Seth. Carlos tells his little minions to take their time and he leaves.

Richie refuses to help Kate, says he wants her to see the Titty Twister, feel it for what it really is. He thinks maybe this is where she’s supposed to be and Kate asks what it feels like to know you belong, and he says it feels like home. They kiss (another what in the actual fuck moment) and when she says “set me free” and Richie kisses her.

Seth walks in on them and wants to leave the bar behind. He’s running his mouth and Richie puts a knife to Seth’s throat, says they’re staying. Seth offers to throw knives for it and if he wins, they leave. If Richie wins, they stay.

The thugs are kicking Gonzalez’s ass and they tell him they’re going to go after his wife and kid. They break out the home made shock therapy equipment (which is a battery and jumper cables… you’d think, with Carlos being a kick ass vamp, he’d at least have some state of the art torture devices) and decide it works better when the victim is wet. A thug unzips and takes a long, nasty piss on Gonzalez. But our Ranger, he’s a tough sonnofabitch, and he remembers Earl’s speech about brutality and gets mean. He pulls some action movie shit and gets free, shooting the two. They go down and are they dead? No, they’re vamps, and so Gonzalez goes to work on them with a machete. He takes a vampire head with him and leaves the room only to run into the kid who set him up. The kid sees the head and gives up Carlos in a heartbeat, letting Gonzalez know about the Titty Twister. The Ranger leaves the head on Carlos’ parking pole and lights out on a stolen motorcycle.

The Titty Twister is hopping. Jacob can’t find Kate and Scott is getting hammered. Jacob recants his judgment statement, but Scott says it might be judgment. That might have been the liquor talking except the boy tells Jacob about the Border Patrol Guard who knew too much.

Carlos shows up at the Titty Twister and gives the knife to the bartender, tells him to make sure everything is ready and to give the knife back to its rightful owner.

Meanwhile, Kate has put herself in the middle of the Gecko’s pissing match, holding a target over her head. She states if Richie wins, Seth gives up the keys. Kate’s showing a whole lot of faith in psycho Richie at this point… New wrinkle in time here as the bartender makes an appearance and gives the obsidian bladed knife to Richie. Richie makes a perfect throw and wins. Seth asks where he got the knife, but the bartender tells them have to sit down. Now! During all this, Gonzalez makes his way into the Titty Twister.

Seth keeps pushing about the knife as they sit and Carlos takes the stage, introducing Santanico Pandemonium.

Richie tells Seth it was Carlos who gave him the knife.

And when Santanico steps out on stage, Richie says, “She’s real.”

The next episode promises to be sexy and bloody and I can’t wait. I just hope we get back to semblance of the characters we know and expect.