SNAP JUDGMENT – October 2018

It’s been a little while, but I’ve returned with quick takes on the best trailers in this spooky month. This past week especially has showcased our first look at a number of upcoming titles. Currently missing from the internet is the teaser for Orion Classic’s The Prodigy (February 8th), which you likely caught if you were one of the heaps of people who went to see Halloween. I thought it was kinda cool! It’s an interesting therapy session with a possessed boy, followed by a little scene that rocked each audience I watched it with. No clue if the movie will be good or not, but the trailer was cool. I’m skipping the latest look at Paramount’s Overlord (November 9th) as it doesn’t add a whole lot of new footage and only runs around a minute. Speaking of which though, did anyone see that extended preview in IMAX? Forget which movie I saw it with. Anyway, looks awesome. Alright, let’s go.

HIGH LIFE (A24, November 7th in France, TBA in North America)

The first English-language film from French auteur Claire Denis (Trouble Every Day, Bastards) is a mysterious looking sci-fi thriller aboard a space ship. Something to do with fertility and black hole rotations and sexuality and violence. Looks awesome, and I’ve heard fantastic things coming out of TIFF and NYFF. I love Robert Pattinson’s career choices post-Twilight, and he’s proven himself to be a terrific actor. It’s difficult to tell what this is even about, so you can proceed spoiler free.

DIRTY JOHN (Bravo, begins November 27th)

If you’re not familiar with the Wondery podcast done in conjunction with the L.A. Times, buckle UP. This twisty tale of bad love is becoming a planned anthology series for Bravo with top acting talent like Eric Bana, Juno Temple, and Connie Britton. The less you know about the story the better, and it’s been long enough for me that this series should be fairly thrilling, though it looks a little soapy for my taste. In fairness though, that’s what this is at its core, and I have faith that it’ll be well executed. No apparent spoilers of any major points.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-dUiO1ZV1s

THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA (Warner Brothers, April 19th)

While this touts James Wan’s involvement and looks 100% in The Conjuring universe, this is in fact not connected. I’m not familiar with the lore this is based on, but it looks creepy as hell. But then I look up the release date, and this isn’t due for 7 MONTHS. I’m guessing they wanted to put this into the public mind during the season, and I’m sure it played with Halloween somewhere, but this is an extremely early tease. It really works though! This does showcase two perfectly executed scares, so avoid if you’d like to keep those for the movie in 7 MONTHS.

THE POSSESSION OF HANNAH GRACE (Screen Gems, November 30th)

Sigh…can we REALLY not come up with better titles for things??? Do you realize how many movies are out there with The (insert act here) of (insert full name here) as a title?? It’s a lot. It’s lazy. This was originally called Cadaver…THERE YOU GO, it doesn’t sound like 5 million other titles! I honestly don’t care though, because this looks like shit. Screen Gems sure don’t make good on their name, do they? Appears to be almost a complete ripoff of 2016’s The Autopsy of Jane Doe, a great movie that absolutely deserves your time. This, however, doesn’t appear to warrant 2 minutes. Also, the final shot of the movie is likely in this trailer. Because Sony marketing.

CHILLING ADVENTURES OF SABRINA (Netflix, October 26th)

After a, well, chilling teaser a little while ago, we get a full look at Netflix’s Archie Comics adaptation connected to The CW’s Riverdale. Visually this definitely looks like a twin to that show, albeit a bit darker and chock full of supernatural, satanical, witchy things. This is certainly NOT anything like that old ABC sitcom, though some comedic elements do appear to be here…just a shade or two blacker. I think the tone of this looks perfect! Kiernan Shipka (The Blackcoat’s Daughter) looks to be owning the role, and I’m really looking forward to binging this one. Mild spoilers perhaps, so stick with the teaser if you’re on the fence and want to catch a glimpse.

ANNA AND THE APOCALYPSE (Orion Classics, November 30th)

This new, international, red-band trailer totally gives you a highlight reel without actually giving away central parts of the movie. This premiered at Fantastic Fest over a year ago, and is finally going to be getting a release just in time for Christmas! This is a holiday themed, zombie-infested musical that looks to be light, gruesome, funny, and full of catchy musical numbers. Either you want to see this one or you don’t, I don’t think there’s even a “maybe” option here.

ALL THE CREATURES WERE STIRRING (RLJE, December 4th)

A Christmas anthology of horror stories from David and Rebekah McKendry, the later being 1/4 of the great Shock Waves podcast! I’m interested! This looks like a good load or holiday horror fun, with some of the wonderful Constance Wu. No spoilers to speak of.

MONSTER PARTY (RLJE, November 2nd)

Hoooooboy, this looks like a lot of fun! Youngsters working a private catering event devise a plan to rob their safe during dinner. This of course goes wrong, and the party’s attendants are working on sobriety…and it’s not from substance abuse. They’re about to leave the wagon. Julian McMahon is back! Lance Reddick is the shit! Robin Tunney is here, too! And Bill Engvall…? Can’t wait to see this.

PET SEMETARY (Paramount, April 5th)

Okay, okay, I’ll cut Llorona some slack as this is almost the same amount of time between teaser and release. We’re in the age of event horror now, I get it, I’m just not used to seeing hype building for this genre so early! I’m not a fan of the first adaptation, and I think this tease looks tremendously better. I liked that ball of grey Church, but this new mangey guy looks so awesome. I’m a cat guy, though. I don’t think anything that’s potentially spoiled here will be in your memory in almost 7 MONTHS, so you should be safe to view.

GLASS (Universal, January 18th)

Opening in the same spot as Split seems to be a great idea, as the wasteland that is January is wide open to bring crowds in for weeks through word of mouth (who also have nothing else to see). The bonus in this case is that  Unbreakable is getting a sequel nobody ever thought would happen, and it looks to be well worth the wait. I was quite a big fan of Split, and McAvoy again looks to be acting his ass off, now as a physically formidable foe for David Dunn, and with more personalities showing up. I’m extremely excited for this. I don’t think this gives too much away…but if you know you want to see this already, there’s no reason to watch.

ESCAPE ROOM (Sony, January 4th)

Here’s the obligatory horror movie to start the year and make a quick cash grab before fading into obscurity. Sony’s duel-reboot of Saw and Identity here looks like it could be mildly entertaining, as I’ve always felt there’s horror potential in the concept of escape rooms. This is however not the first to try to turn it into a film, it’s just the first time a major studio has given it a go. The good news (for some) is that this is from director Adam Robitel, of The Taking of Deborah Logan. The bad news (for some) is that this is from director Adam Robitel, of Insidious: The Last Key. I do love Tyler Labine and Deborah Ann Woll, but I’m not sure if there’s enough to grab me here. I’m sure this spoils entirely too much as well, as it’s Sony, and that’s just what they do. Proceed with caution?

Alright, that’ll wrap it up for this round. Be back soon. Looking forward to any of these? Have a different snappy takeaway? Be sure to leave a comment below!