SNAP JUDGMENT – June 23 – July 6

Yes yes, y’all. Back at it again with the shiny new trailers and my quick takeaway, PLUS a helpful spoiler warning! That’s right, I’ll take the hit for YOU! Like, I know every beat of Skyscraper now…not that I was excited for Skyscraper to begin with, but after that last trailer I no longer have any reason to see it, and now neither do you! Alright, what have we got stored up? Another JAM packed queue awaits.

THE PREDATOR (September 14, Fox)

As I predicted, the full, red-band trailer for the highly anticipated Shane Black reboot was delivered in time for attachment to Sicario: Day of the Saldado. This is a much, much stronger look at the movie, full of the creature(s), gore, machismo, humor, and colorful dialogue that I think everyone wanted to see from this movie. I can’t wait.

Spoiler Alert: Minimal. It’ll get you excited for the movie, though, so I think it’s worth watching.

DEAD NIGHT (July 27th, Dark Sky Films)

Previously titled Applecart, this slasher made it’s debut at Fantastic Fest last year. It was, apparently, not very good. Now back with a new title, an improved edit, and distribution from Dark Sky, Dead Night looks…cool. A slasher of some sort, maybe a demon involved or something? Barbara Crampton looks creepy as hell.

Spoiler Alert: A little too much info and scenes which would be surprises, but I have no idea what’s really happening.

THE UNSEEN (TBA 2018, Raven Banner)

Looks like a very unique take on The Invisible Man concept mixed with some sort of abduction mystery and/or tale of revenge. Dark and grim, kinda southern gothic feel. I love the effects used in here, I’m looking forward to seeing the movie.

Spoiler Alert: The last shot is something else, but I think it’s worth watching to get you interested.

MARA (September 7th, Saban Films)

Creepy little ghost story? Maybe. Sleep paralysis horror movie? Definitely. This looks totally solid and frightening, made for someone who wasn’t really interested in that mockumentary feel of The Nightmare, and would prefer a more grounded, modern Nightmare On Elm Street. I’m really excited for this now!

Spoiler Alert: A non-effective jump scare is thrown in that may work in the movie itself with a better edit and sound. I think just wait and see the movie, looks like a must for fright fans.

MANDY (September 14th, RJLE Films)

Holy shit. I wasn’t a fan of Beyond the Black Rainbow, but I plan on giving it another try before seeing this…thing. It’s apparently set in a different place during the same events, from what I understand. It also looks like it could easily fit in the Hobo With a Shotgun world given all the colorful gels and spikes and violence. I think this is the movie that we all kinda tonally wanted Drive Angry to be, in a way — balls to the wall, baby.

Spoiler Alert: I think it’s fairly safe here as I’m not entirely sure what’s happening in the movie aside from revenge on a cult, but there’s a bit at the very end that I could have done without seeing in the trailer.

OUR HOUSE (July 27th, IFC Midnight)

Atmospheric little haunted house movie. Not much else to say.

Spoiler Alert: Maybe a bit too many glimpses of the ghosts in the movie that could have been saved, but much of it is difficult to make out.

ASSASSINATION NATION (September 21st, NEON)

Bold and insane is what I’d label this movie. NEON has been a safe haven for some strange, off kilter movies of which I’m a fan. Even if I’m not a fan of the movies themselves, I like studios like this and A24 who are really willing to take an artistic risk. THIS is a risk. Maybe NEON can pick up Paramount Network’s Heathers that they’re too afraid to air?

Spoiler Alert: None; a must watch teaser.

WELLINGTON PARANORMAL (TV Series) (July 11th, TVNZ in New Zealand/TBA Elsewhere)

So this was a complete surprise for me. Aside from the What We Do In the Shadows FX series that’s being worked on by Jermaine Clement and Taika Waititi, they’ve also made this New Zealand series set in the same world. Looks spectacularly creepy, funny, and a no-brainer idea for a follow up to the movie. I seriously hope this will be available in the US soon, no information on if and when that might happen.

Spoiler Alert: Nope.

THE PURGE (TV Mini-Series) (Premieres September 4th at 10/9c, USA/SYFY)

Sure. If there’s a franchise that’s worth exploring as a series, it’s The Purge…a franchise with a massive premise that has essentially made a blah home invasion movie and then the same sequel three times now instead of truly exploring it. Guess what this looks like? The exact same thing again, now spread out into 10 episodes. I just don’t understand the mentality here. Granted this is only a teaser, but there’s no indication here of what justifies doing this on the small screen because it looks identical to what’s been on the big screen. I guess when you can turn a major profit in a weekend, why would you even try to do something different…but this is a SERIES, do something fucking different! Wait and see, I suppose.

Spoiler Alert: None. Stupid masked weirdos. You’ve seen this before.

THE HOUSE WITH A CLOCK IN IT’S WALLS (September 21st, Universal)

Amblin Entertainment and Eli Roth are two things I never expected I’d see in the same breath, but lo and behold. Very closely resembles Goosebumps (mah favrit mervie!) in terms of tone and feel, which is fine for a children’s horror film. This is apparently based on a beloved book, but until hearing about the film I wasn’t aware of it. Not sure if it matches up to the source material or not. Roth looks like maybe his juvenile sensibilities are a good fit with a PG movie, who would have guessed?

Spoiler Alert: Nope. Free and clear as far as I can tell.

BOOK OF MONSTERS (August 25th in UK, Dark Rift Films/TBA elsewhere)

Lovely British ladies slaying creatures! Gore and practical effects, and humor galore! Be still my heart!! Looks like Evil Dead and Can’t Hardly Wait collided. Hope we’ll get to see this sooner rather than later.

Spoiler Alert: Maybe a bit or two that could have been saved for the movie, especially this bit at the end.

SUMMER OF ’84 (August 10th in theaters/August 24th VOD, Gunpowder & Sky)

Word was mixed from the first screenings of this RKSS movie, the folks behind the stellar Turbo Kid, but I remain excited to see it. With Stranger Things and IT being big hits last year, it’s no surprise to see the well of 80’s kids in peril being thrown at us again. Also in that throwback vein last year was a great movie called Super Dark Times, which is what this more closely resembles a comparison to. Also in the vein of Fright Night or Disturbia, even. I think this is a far too generous trailer.

Spoiler Alert: Definitely shows entirely too much. Avoid, see the movie in August.

I AM THE NIGHT (TV Mini-Series)(Premieres January 2019, TNT)

Director Patty Jenkins is a hot property based on the success of Wonder Woman, and before heading back for Wonder Woman ’84 she reteamed with Steve Trevor himself, Chris Pine. for this 60’s set mystery/thriller/horror series. TNT is pretty hot right now; it looks like they’ve again thrown some good money at another true-events period piece after the tremendous success of The Alienist. Visually stunning, intense stuff. Hurry up and get here, 2019!

Spoiler Alert: None

ODDS ARE… (August 7th, Freestyle Digital Media)

If Lifetime had a more visionary approach to churning out movies, I think this would be the result. Kids playing a mostly harmless game of dares encounter the wrong person, and then basically Don’t Breathe starts. Might be some thrills to be had here, not sure.

Spoiler Alert: Probably a few too many shots in there teasing a bit of every piece of the movie. Avoid if you think it sounds up your alley.

THE SCHOOL (July 27th in Australia/TBA elsewhere, Lunar Pictures/Bronte Pictures)

Australia has a super looking gothic horror movie around the corner, and it looks great! And very Australian! This was shot at the supposedly haunted Gladesville Mental Asylum. Some Lord of the Flies stuff going on in ghost land here! Crazy stuff, can’t wait to see it.

Spoiler Alert: Maybe, but at least watch a little bit and see why I’m excited.

https://youtu.be/-YQR6M-lMhA

Alright, see you in a week or two for more trailers galore.