[CINEPOCALYPSE 2018] ‘THE RUSSIAN BRIDE’ Review

You know that feeling you get when you read a synopsis and it sounds really promising, and then the movie gives you everything you expected? Like you can see what’s coming the second it’s set up. Every. Single. Thing. Beat for beat, everything in Michael S. Ojeda’s The Russian Bride is predictable. With exception to a really bizarre choice towards the end, there wasn’t anything here that I haven’t seen before, and more importantly done a lot better.

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Wealthy American Karl Frederick (Corbin Bernson) is browsing through Russian bride profiles, as you do. He discovers Nina (Oksana Orlan), a lovely blonde who, more importantly, has a young-teenage daughter Dasha (Kristina Pimenova). Soon after Karl moves them to his estate, they meet his butler Maria (Lisa Goodman) and groundskeeper Hagen (Michael Robert Brandon), and while life feels idyllic for the immigrants, there is more to being brought here than just a wedding. It’s after the nuptials that Nina and Dasha discover their real purpose, sinister secrets, and a vicious side of their housemates. With Hagen’s help, Nina and Dasha must try to leave and/or fight to survive!

The movie looks fine but is shot in a rather pedestrian fashion, which is a little strange. Ojeda did some directing on a few episodes of a Spike TV series called Deadliest Warrior that lasted for a few seasons (I loved it) but more notably 2013’s Avenged (aka Savaged) . Avenged is a mean revenge flick with a Native American edge, and it’s pretty good (and free on Prime). But most importantly it was stylish, it was thrilling, and it had a solid look even though it was a low budget affair. This movie appears to have probably 2x the budget but doesn’t do anything to make the movie visually interesting. Even the lovely set looks flat and dull, for some reason. Acting is decent. I enjoy Bernson in a number of things, but he has this habit here over being a little too hammy for what the movie is…or at least should be. Overall he’s the highlight, though.

Let’s get into the climax, which is where the meat of this thing is. The final 15 minutes is VERY similar to 28 Days Later, right down to the storm and the lightning, and a VERY similar score to John Murphy’s from that film. It’s the bit of the movie where things get violent and sort of pays off what had been coming, except for the fact that there’s only two people who in any way deserve their fate. Most of the casualties are, for the most part, innocent medical professionals. It also turns our main character into a homicidal monster, which doesn’t feel as much unforeseen as undeserved. Part of her drive is a surprise that I thought was one thing but is actually another, and it’s rather comical (even though I don’t think it’s meant to be). But it’s hard not to laugh once Karl discovers what’s going on and delivers a great laugh with “oh, Nina…” But it ends with a nice death that I rather enjoyed. Oh, and there’s a deus ex-machina ghost, I almost forgot that part.

I wanted more from this movie. Tonally I wanted something consistent, and I feel like there was a real disconnect from the first half of the movie and when things start to get more horror. The first half is a Lifetime re-envisioning of The Stepfather, the middle is Hostel-ish and a little Get Out, and the end is, holy shit, 28 Days Later. Worst of all, this was a crowdfunded project that I’m not sure even the backers will get much out of. You could do better with your time, and I hope Ojeda does better with his too. He’s got the skills to do so.

Good news! In addition to playing at Cinepocalypse 2018, the movie has distribution from VMI Worldwide. No release information appears to be available yet.