30 September Slashers: Day 12-HONEYMOON HORROR

Rummaging through used VHS tapes at old video stores is something that I really miss.  Throughout the 90s and early 2000s, as Mom and Pop stores began to close up shop, a horror fiend could pick up many rare and out of print horror titles at a reasonable price.  Now, many of these out of print titles can only be found for outrageous prices on Amazon or on eBay.  I found one such title last year at a local store and will feature it as tonight’s 30 September Slashers.  For your viewing pleasure(or displeasure)….Honeymoon Horror

Day 12: Til Death Do Us Part….Honeymoon Horror

Frank Bartlow and his wife own an island that has cabins and is a newlywed getaway called Honeymoon Cove.  Frank finds his wife sleeping with his friend and a fight ensues, Frank is hit over the head and presumably burned to death in a fire.  Fast-forward a year later and Mrs. Bartlow has married Franks creepy friend Vic and they have reopened the honeymoon destination.  The couple is joined on the island by old maid Emily and Crazy Joe the caretaker.  Three college student couples are coming to stay for their honeymoons(apparently all 3 groups of friends had their wedding on the same day and are now going on their honeymoon’s together) but  soon they begin to be stalked by a burnt assailant who begins to murder them off.

Watching Honeymoon Horror for the first hour is like watching a porno that had all of the sex scenes edited out.  This begs the question, why the hell would you watch a porn without any of the goods? I was left asking myself that same question.  The cheesy eighties mustaches, the clothes, and the constant cuts to before and after sex scenes were boring and the latter happened at least twenty times.

Also, the editing of the kills themselves was very lazy.  If Alfred Hitchcock wrote the book on how to edit a shower scene kill, then director Harry Preston, totally shredded that book and lit it on fire.  This scene was supposed to be one of the more brutal and suspenseful moments but it just felt random.  The killer himself was not menacing and would stalking while breathing heavily, that were presumably supposed to be terrifying really just made him sound like he had a bad cold.

One of the worst aspects of the film is the two town police officers that are peppered throughout the film as comic relief.  I never understood why any director/writer would add a buddy cop subplot into a slasher film.  It sure as hell didn’t work in Halloween 5 and it doesn’t work for Honeymoon Horror either.

About the only thing that could potentially be fun about this film is that it could be turned into a drinking game.  Try drinking every time someone has sex or alludes to the act, every time someone is drinking or says that the other person needs a drink, every time they cut to a shot of the killer stalking people outside the cabin, and every time the stupid buddy cops show up on screen.  I promise that you will be plastered by the sixty-minute mark.

I doubt Honeymoon Horror will ever make its way to dvd.  It’s not quite funny enough to warrant watching for the comedic aspects and it’s horror elements are so scattered and uninspired that they aren’t worth watching either.  If you happen to find this at a flea market or video store blowout, you may want to keep on walking.  Now that we have that crap fest behind us, we can get to another slasher that has yet to see a region 1 dvd release.  All of you Jane Fonda fitness fans out there are going to love the next film we cover,  1986’s Killer Workout.