Movie Review: ‘PIRANHA 3D’

I’m a child of the 80’s (born in ’81) and I honestly think that is when horror hit its stride.  Granted, I dig films from the 70’s more, but 80’s was when the nonsensical slashers came out.  It was the decade of the VHS boom where people who didn’t have a local drive-in or a theater that showed exploitation films could now adjust their tracking to see promiscuous ladies and masked killers clash and slash with a bloody pan and scan glory.  VHS was never the best way to see a film but it gave access to what was out there and planted the seed for the future.  Then cable hit and mom and pop video stores started feeling some of the pressure.  Kids, like myself, could sneak down to the basement and flip on the television to watch a trashy film on Cinemax or HBO.  I know what you are probably saying right now….”I came here to read a review of this damn movie not hear your life story.”  However, I think it is important to lay the groundwork and background setting as it is my firm belief after watching Piranha 3D that Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes remake & Haute Tension) is not only a fan, but has adapted in into one of the best homage films of past decade.  Read on…

Joe Dante’s Piranha was a blatant rip-off of Spielberg’s Jaws.  Everyone knows this.  What was great about the original Piranha (because it has been remade previous to Aja’s entry) was that it had a light hearted feeling to it.  It was done on the cheap but made the best out the material.

Aja’s Piranha 3D is not a remake of that film.  It is an homage to the trashy, exploitative nature of teen debauchery of the 80’s and 80’s cinema, particularly the horror genre.  Aja makes a really dumb film here, there are no qualms about it.  Also, if you think the rarely seen Elisabeth Shue and minor cameo-esque role by Christopher Lloyd are here by coincidence, then you aren’t getting it.  The opening scene has Richard Dreyfus on a both drinking Amity Beer and singing along to a song that most of will recognize before he is destroyed by a whirlpool of piranhas.  What Aja does is say “Yes, I get that Dante’s Piranha was created and existed because of Jaws but let me address the issue..” Queue the CGI flesh hungry piranhas. “..NOW.”  Piranha 3D – and I really want to drop this “3D” bit – couldn’t of been made in the decade it belongs in because special and optical effects were still in its infancy.  The film that Aja delivers is a maddening display of the things that made the 80’s fabulous – blood, boobs and beasts (oh, Joe Bob, I hope you see this film).  Thank you to the MPAA for turning a blind eye to this film.  Piranha 3D is so over-the-top in all of its nudity and gore that I have the feeling that the MPAA just understood what the hell this movie is about.  Not only will you get to relish in a ridiculous 2 minute long dual naked lady swimming sequence, you will see some of the best kills in the “Lake Massacre” sequence that you have seen in the past 10 years – if not more.

The film as a whole definitely has some flaws and pacing issues.  However, the last 30 minutes will make you forget all of it.  What doesn’t work for the film – oddly enough – is the 3D.  Granted, the 3D is fun at times, but on a whole this post-converted 3D just doesn’t look good.  If you look closely on a technical level, you will see a lot of things that just don’t look good at all.  The piranhas look good in 3D because they are all CGI.  The scenes that are supposed to pop out work, but the normal live action stuff just doesn’t.  In a way, the 3D not working means that this film will be enjoyed because of its content and not its gimmick.  So, I am happy to say that you will enjoy this at home as well.  However, I would urge you to see it with an audience, in 3D.  It is the ultimate party film.  It is a film that has its strengths heightened with a crowd.

Bottom line, Piranha 3D is a bad movie that rolls around in all of its trashy goodness and is a TITillating goretastic good time.